Jul. 12th, 2011

seticat: (love - broken-heart - lizzielizzie)
Squeebs left my arms today to slip gently into the loving Arms of Momma Bast. She's chasing cosmic mice with her sister, Cuffai Bernice [Lady Asia Congolease Bali Princess] and giving Poppa a hard time.

I don't care if it was 19 years worth of time with me. it's never enough.



Squeeble Marie Jamescat - aka: Lady Asia's Nigerian Bali Princess [in better days and times]
May 13, 1992 - July 12, 2011

Maybe more details later if I feel up to it.

Or maybe not.

EDIT - 7/13/11: Details is you want them.

The photo above shows The Girl about 5 years ago when she was 14 years old and about 10 pounds. I wanted to find a good photo to remember her by. Not the way she's been the last year. She had been dropping weight over the last couple of years and her kidney function labs had been getting worse and worse. She was very frail [as Syrwolf mentioned below] these last few months. The decision the vet and I had made was as long as she was eating, drinking and interacting well, we would let her just be an 'Old Lady Cat'. But the last couple of days her litter box issues became much worse [she wasn't too good at getting to the box in time so I used puppy pads around it]. She woke me up yesterday morning by peeing on my and the bed.

That's when we both knew.

I made an appointment to see the vet later in the day - in some ways to make sure there wasn't anything treatable going on, but fairly sure what the outcome would be. I made sure she had all her favorite nibbles to eat and we spent as much time together as a tired little Lady Cat could share.

And then we went in.

On exam, her right kidney wasn't even palpable it had shrunk that much. Her left was very tender to palpation. And she was beginning to get tender spots in her mouth. That pretty well sealed the situation.

We made the decision to set her free.

He gave her a shot of seditive [ketamine and acepromazine] and we gave it time to work fully. She and I said our goodbyes during that time and she dropped off to sleep in my arms.

And then the rest. It wasn't easy - she had horrible veins. Dr. P tried and was so supportive when I said I wanted to lay my hand over his because this was 'both of our choices and I needed to be a part of it'. After a moment I knew that wasn't going to work so I told him to 'just do it IC'. I've never had a vet say 'Thank you' with such understanding and compassion before. I knew it was something he was going to ask me and it's a hard thing to consider. I couldn't watch, but I could tell what he was doing out of the corner of my eyes.

And then her spirit simply slid from my arms into the arms of Bast.

I spent the rest of yesterday looking for her out of the corner of my eye, just waiting for her to sit just outside my office door and bitch for food. Or I'd walk into the bedroom and 'see' her face looking at me from her fleece nest on the bed. This morning I woke up wondering how I'd slept in so late - the Baby Girl hadn't come up to me to remind me to feed her.

Knowing it was the right thing to do doesn't take away the feelings I'm dealing with. I'll bring those to my group meeting at the local VA clinic and try and make illigical sense of them [my 'logical head' understands by the other part - not so well].

And kathrynmice said it so well below. they always seem to be in a hurry to come back in a new fur kitten suit and play kitten games again I can find comfort in that as Squeeble and her sister Cuffai were truely silly little kitten sisters all those years ago.
seticat: (* cat - food - kiraxlee)
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Boiled sheep eyes in gravy over steamed couscous.

And no - it wasn't an experience I'd like to repeat...

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